the pain came quick, unexpectedly. marching down a hill all day, stumbling amongst rocks and the sun beating down. the trek seemed eternal and i only wanted it to end.

when the pain came i didn't stop. for i was so determined that even the prospect of something broken wasn't to deter me from the journey's completion. and it surprised me, how badly i wanted to get back into my world of comfort. it was, after all, what i was trying to escape when i first set out only two days before. to go into the wild on my own and see the forest through a clean lens, without influence or expectation. i just went.

and only forty eight hours later i wanted to be done. i felt guilty about this. i wanted to be enjoying myself. and this is the situation i find myself in so commonly. the threat of discomfort keeps me coming back to my old ways. it is good to have these experience though. i find out more clearly what i want, what i am good at, what more i can learn, what i do not care for. figuring all of this out.

and so, also figuring out how to deal with injury. it is difficult to not want people to feel sorry for me. it is a desire for someone to care for me.