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at what point in your life do you realize that you're the one in charge of cooking the thanksgiving turkey?

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killing time kills me on the inside because then i think of all the things i could be doing or the people i could be with like finding my way around colombia in a sunshine city listening to spanish and breathing the culture or building my own farm on the fringes of town like my family they are everywhere and i am too far sometimes, it seems or the one i tell myself could be my comfort
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the pain came quick, unexpectedly. marching down a hill all day, stumbling amongst rocks and the sun beating down. the trek seemed eternal and i only wanted it to end. when the pain came i didn't stop. for i was so determined that even the prospect of something broken wasn't to deter me from the journey's completion. and it surprised me, how badly i wanted to get back into my world of comfort. it was, after all, what i was trying to escape when i first set out only two days before. to go into the wild on my own and see the forest through a clean lens, without influence or expectation. i just went. and only forty eight hours later i wanted to be done. i felt guilty about this. i wanted to be enjoying myself. and this is the situation i find myself in so commonly. the threat of discomfort keeps me coming back to my old ways. it is good to have these experience though. i find out more clearly what i want, what i am good at, what more i can learn, what i do not care for. fi...
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